a life before this
i was paralyzed from the heart down
the accident played out before me
as if the my world was going black
it was one continuous wreck
three cars on deck
and i was broken upon impact
yet somehow i managed to be the rubbernecker
I watched the car approach from my right
at a time when i was too young to care about consequences
and only my loins were the ones making sense of it
she was the cause of it all
but i couldn't let her take me down solo
i was too selfish for such things and i knew i could add to the death toll so
i swerved to my left and into oncoming traffic
where i found a victim of my own
the three of us burned
the decree of one spurned
spit the undeniable pain of the flames lapping on my feet
shrieking felines in heat make a more pleasant noise
then the shell of my car collapsing
the scream of my body going numb
but thats a lie
i didn't scream
i didn't struggle
i'm not ever sure if i uttered a sound
i
hesitated
kicked up my feet
sipped on my cocktail
and let the eight years of sadness
turn into unending madness
as i absorbed the pain
shrugged off the damages
and figured, no one likes a whiner
but by god did my insides burn
and then... i found those insides
scattered on the pavement with chunks of metal and shards of glass
the ravens fed on what little was left
picked through the aftermath
bathed in what was left of my innards
and it was at this point in my life that i thought my paralysis was complete
i thought the accident had left me in a state of broken hollowness that had no future
fear crept through me
it had been so long since my heart had functioned and i was sure it would never feel again
i thought it was splattered on the sidewalk
lost to this world
i thought it had dried up in my chest
adorned with cute little cobwebs
i thought the passion was gone
or never even there to begin with
but i thought wrong
on a friday not that long ago
i do believe i felt my heart beat
it was faint and it was fleeting
but damn was it real
and it was all because of you
you have given my heart a reason to open its valves
a reason to flood my system with that force i know we need to survive
i know i need to get through one more day
but how do i tell you
how do i let you know about this strange feeling
that is mute when i'm around you
that refuses to leave my vocal chords
do i sit here in silence
or do i grab my balls
and plant a kiss upon your lips
